I have to put in my blessings.
I know it feels like I lost a lot from last year, and including the beginning of this year.
To recap:
Last year around the same time of this month, this was when we had that flood, and we lost our family van. There was a lot of different getting use to routines. I had to figure out a routine to get to work, using Lyft, and sometimes I used the cities free bus. But it started getting popular, that the wait times were increasing.
I finally did get around to a new routine, but things were getting to me such as my feet were hurting terribly, my “anemia” was acting up. It had taken May, where I was let go of my job. I guess calling out too many times, made my “unconditional points” returned. We also lost our family dog, Pumpkin two weeks later.
And summer was just a trial, of trying to get well with the information of my labs, and my determination to get my health back on track. Eventually I did manage to bring my levels up out of the anemia stage, now it was just low iron deficiency I had to battle with, and make sure I was keeping my vitamin d levels were up there too. But then fall came, and I know they were going up and down. Suddenly, the end of December came, and going into the New Year that’s when I also lost my beloved doggy Chloe. She meant the world to me, and nothing I could do could save her. I tried my best to keep her stabilized, but no matter how many times I increased my credit to save her she wasn’t strong enough to get past stabilization for surgery. I was heart broken 💔
It’s the middle of January, and I am just trying to find my way into life.
I know I got to call Walmart, and eventually see where my path goes from here. I got to find out if I can return to that work space. With grace of course, I know what I need to do better, and what I need to work on. Either or, all will be well whether or not I get accepted back into that work place.
Sometimes I do not know what I want from life.
I spent so much time trying to fight for myself, in how I feel, to understand myself better. Mental health has always been a sensitive thing for me, and the mild autism doesn’t help either. There is so much I feel surrounded sensory levels, and I often wonder if there is another place for someone like me? You know a chance to work again, rather than this care giver job. But the care giver job ultimately, kept me going. I know I do not have a lot of money, but it does pay the roof over my head. I just wish I had a lot of money left over like I use to. That’s my struggle right now. I wish I knew a data entry job, so I can work from home-not worry about commuting or waking up on time.
I just filed my taxes, and in three days I shall await the state form so I can finish my state taxes. Whatever I get back, I got to pay what is owed. I am glad it was only three hundred dollars.
From here, all I can do is try my best, and seize the day.