Empathy across time

 We have been reading about this word across several of platforms, and lots of people have different interpretations of it. For starters:

EmpathyEmpathy is generally described as the ability to take on another person's perspective, to understand, feel, and possibly share and respond to their experience. There are more (sometimes conflicting) definitions of empathy that include but are not limited to social, cognitive, and emotional processes primarily concerned with understanding others.

In the neurodivergent community, people talk about lacking empathy, but to some degree I feel like they understand the concept! Because for what is going on in the world right now, lots of my fellow community members speak against lack of compassion towards people in this world ( hate, discrimination ).

Now, there are people who actually lack empathy, which is the people who lack compassion for their fellow human being. 

It becomes exhausting! To come across the internets algorithm, and feel like you have to speak out in defense of people. Their very existence hated, judged, and for what? Because a lot of people do not understand us, or judge us-its a choice to be filled with hate. 

For example, you could be excited for a new game to come out, and see previews-people would gripe about "woke" culture. Honestly, its exhausting to explain the misuse of that word, as its a word meant for black history. It's ironic that people who complain about woke culture call the liberal folk "snowflakes" yet they crumble at anything tossed in their precious media for one minute. Black person? woke. Disabled? woke. Gay? oh yeah definitely woke. Being different now, is now "woke". They just want media to be heterosexual, and white + no "flaws" on your skin or body. By their definition of normal media, you are not allowed to step outside of that norm. 

And its crazy! Because its all a distraction towards the real feedback of a piece of media. Which, I care about most! Such as the functions of the maps, or fast travel points ( if there is any ) or the diversity of the characters. Which tend to get on my nerves, because I like characters where I can look at them-automatically assume what kind of class of character they can possibly be! As well as what their personality can be like based on fashion, but don't get me started on that-fashion is also gate kept by others now. 

In a world, full of judgmental people, continue to live your life true to yourself.

I think its sad that a lot of people feel the need to hide themselves now, because they fear being retaliated just on who they are. The haters in this world had gone too far, and became comfortable spreading their own propaganda to gain followers. 

Everything will be alright, because in reality-Love wins, and it will always win. 

Stay true to yourself, always speak your mind. 

Never back down from people who think they know better, when in reality they are just miserable folk who haven't learned from history. 

Wishing everyone well.

Keep moving forward~

 

Its almost the end of the month, and I got to say...

I have to put in my blessings.

I know it feels like I lost a lot from last year, and including the beginning of this year. 

To recap:

Last year around the same time of this month, this was when we had that flood, and we lost our family van. There was a lot of different getting use to routines. I had to figure out a routine to get to work, using Lyft, and sometimes I used the cities free bus. But it started getting popular, that the wait times were increasing.  

I finally did get around to a new routine, but things were getting to me such as my feet were hurting terribly, my “anemia” was acting up. It had taken May, where I was let go of my job. I guess calling out too many times, made my “unconditional points” returned. We also lost our family dog, Pumpkin two weeks later. 

And summer was just a trial, of trying to get well with the information of my labs, and my determination to get my health back on track. Eventually I did manage to bring my levels up out of the anemia stage, now it was just low iron deficiency I had to battle with, and make sure I was keeping my vitamin d levels were up there too. But then fall came, and I know they were going up and down. Suddenly, the end of December came, and going into the New Year that’s when I also lost my beloved doggy Chloe. She meant the world to me, and nothing I could do could save her. I tried my best to keep her stabilized, but no matter how many times I increased my credit to save her she wasn’t strong enough to get past stabilization for surgery. I was heart broken 💔

It’s the middle of January, and I am just trying to find my way into life. 

I know I got to call Walmart, and eventually see where my path goes from here. I got to find out if I can return to that work space. With grace of course, I know what I need to do better, and what I need to work on. Either or, all will be well whether or not I get accepted back into that work place.

Sometimes I do not know what I want from life. 

I spent so much time trying to fight for myself, in how I feel, to understand myself better. Mental health has always been a sensitive thing for me, and the mild autism doesn’t help either. There is so much I feel surrounded sensory levels, and I often wonder if there is another place for someone like me? You know a chance to work again, rather than this care giver job. But the care giver job ultimately, kept me going. I know I do not have a lot of money, but it does pay the roof over my head. I just wish I had a lot of money left over like I use to. That’s my struggle right now. I wish I knew a data entry job, so I can work from home-not worry about commuting or waking up on time. 

    I just filed my taxes, and in three days I shall await the state form so I can finish my state taxes. Whatever I get back, I got to pay what is owed. I am glad it was only three hundred dollars. 

From here, all I can do is try my best, and seize the day. 

adjusting to change-grief

Adjusting to grief is difficult. I never knew I could cry the way I did when making the decision to do what is best for Chloe. I cried so much to my father asking him to retrieve Chloe's collar, and to say good bye to her, for me. I was in a poor state to make a Lyft trip over there. The vet doctors understood my position, and so my father went. 

There is much anticipation of what comes next? 

Eventually I had found out....

Grief will elevate your heart rate, and it will ultimately send you into a panic attack. 

Its the adjustment of loss, and you can never be prepared for it. Because its like a part of your heart, being taken away from you. Adjusting....oh how that has been hard.

• Getting use to her not being there anymore. The spaces she normally takes up, are now empty. 

• The way she would follow me everywhere and anywhere. 

• She slept with me always, how she always climbed her little stairs to be next to me. 

• We would wake up and head into the living room together. 

•  Her comforting me when I was anxious.

In time, I will come a custom to her not being there anymore, its like... "settling". When it comes to grief, you never truly get over it. You know an important part of you is gone, and missing. Yet something I learned from others who lost their furbabies... is that they are never really gone, they always live within you.

I think that is why to me, Chloe represents hope 🌈

When I first got her, it was an after rain type of day. Where, the grounds were damp, and the rainbow was casted amoungst the clouds. I remember I was on a mission to find a companion, and was ready to open my heart up to a precious animal. I had recently, lost one of my doggies, named Mona Lisa...and I thought.... yeah I am ready to try again. 

There she was in the kennels, by her lonesome self-it just clicked to how much I loved her! She came up the fence, very excited with wagging tail, and much anticipation. I was allowed to bond with her in the playground, and she was open to me instantly! I had waited two hours, because "First come, first serve" were the rules to adopting pets with holds on them. She had two holds, and I thought why wouldn't she? She is extremely adorable, 3 months old, and super cute. The two hours passed up, and I was allowed to adopt her-as her previous holds did not show up.

That's when I had taken her home, and that's when we began our little adventures.

I had her since I first started Walmart, so there was a lot of sentimental attachments. As she was the very thing that helped me get through the toiling 40 hours, and coming home tired from work as a stocker, then later in those years as a dispenser. I could always count on her to be there, waiting for me to get home, and we would snuggle right into bed. 

It will take some time alright, because our routines are now no more. 

I hope when my time comes, I can be greeted by her...at least its a comforting thought to think of. 

Until then, I will try my best to over come such difficult emotions. I know I can do this, I have to.