Now, I have been seeing a therapist for a couple of days, and she referred me to a specialist regarding autism. However, as nice as he is -he insisted that there is a probable cause for agoraphobia. I decided to let him talk about why, and how he believes my struggles are internalized agoraphobia.
But it didn't just sit well with me? Here's why...
In my early twenties I did experience agoraphobia due to heightened anxiety.
Agoraphobia is literally the sensation of fear, and not wanting to leave your safe space which is your home. Being, in a place would drive you crazy to the point of fearing those spaces, and the need to escape those places.
One of the reasons, why I did not sit well with that probably diagnosis is because I spent the rest of my adult life working in retail. I have been in many spaces where I did not fear to leave those spaces, nor was it ever crossing my mind that it felt like I had to leave.
Now the way he explained it is that all of what I was experiencing sounds like classic agoraphobia. I was willing to hear him out, and be open to discovery regarding that probable diagnosis. But, isn't fear amongst the sensations of agoraphobia?
To further explain, I do not experience fear. More like sensory, and dread. Simply because places like indoor malls, make me perceive little details and it becomes overwhelming. But not to the state of fear, but to the state of "I have to leave, because I am over stimulated."
I think that is why lots of professionals want to lean towards just anxiety. There might be some situations where a person goes and head out to do their errands just fine-Yet, anxiety peeks in causing them to feel over-whelmed. Yet, I do not feel its necessarily agoraphobia. I am able to leave my home.
However, I feel agoraphobia on any level has a list that entails, avoidance period. Because, it is crippling to the point you don't want to leave your house, and you start off with apprehension from the door to being outside. Which is very much how I felt like when, I indeed had agoraphobia.
These days I don't feel that because ending college days;and, entering the work world I created a routine for myself. I can vibe almost anywhere. A job, a restaurant, and even the dreaded indoor malls. My only concern of sensations that I feel, is just the stimulation. The way the floor glares, the windows glares, the temperature, hearing so many sounds all at once such as the stores as well as the people.
I do not know where to go from here, but I will remain on the path to see what the professionals suggest into a conclusion. I guess, this professional based on what I told him on one session he feels it is agoraphobia, avoidance, and anxiety. But it doesn't sound like me, because I had existed in chaotic spaces for a very long time. And I never the felt the urge to leave those environment's, but rather I get burnt out.
Until, next time.